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August 18, 2002
Frivolously Falling Okay. I
Frivolously Falling
Okay. I have decided for reasons which I probably won't go into, that the thing for me at this moment is to date more than one person. Currently, I am uncommitted to anyone although I have been "seeing" someone lately. Though our relationship has been pretty casual, it is a "dating" relationship nonetheless. In the past, I have always considered it disrespectful to date more than one person at a time. How can you really focus on the way you feel about one person if you are muddying the waters with others? And the way my karma works, were I to date more than one person I would be having a date with one and in would walk the other. Neither one would have been dating other people and I would be a really inconsiderate heel. Truthfully, when I am dating someone I don't really have an urge to date other people. I think my nature is strictly monogamous, well serially monogamous at least. I can admit my natural instincts in this matter are to focus on the one person I have been seeing and not get distracted. It's probably that Scorpio, "year of the Dog" business. I find it perplexing that so many men find it so important to "spread their seed" amongst many and that ability to find variety makes them so macho when most of them can't get it right with even one woman. Finding the right spots, knowing the right moves, learning a persons needs- all that takes time. For men and women to discover.
Unfortunately I think in the case of my "gentleman caller", I am a distraction. He has found himself at somewhat of a crossroads in his life and, though a really great guy, is in no position to give me the focus and attention I am discovering I need. I have tried to be flexible and laidback, but I am now frustrated and at the end of my rope. And besides that I am so in my chi right now that a gay man has intimated he would consider "the dark side" on my behalf. So dating more than one person would totally solve my problems. It would ensure the casualness of the current relationship and give me a chance to get whatever it is I am not getting from that situation from other sources. Plus I would get to have lots of interesting adventures with lots of different and interesting people...and maybe find that one of those new guys are more simpatico with me anyway. Maybe I was wrong in the past. Perhaps I was putting too much pressure on burgeoning relationships by expecting them to be monogamous from the get go. Most of my adult relationships before now have been more of the "tour love" variety so my experience in normal relationships is limited. I had always been racing off to some other locale so any relationships were fast and furious for a few months and then geography would get in the way. I blame my parents really. I went to at least one different school a year until I was in 6th grade. You live what you know.
In any case, I am willing to admit that my fervent monogamism might not be the right way to go. I can try a different way. And that is what the end of summer and the Fall season will be all about. A little cultural experiment. I am going to see how the other half (or maybe 2/3) live. NOTE: to all concerned readers. I am speaking strictly about dating. As far as this blog as concerned I am practically a virgin anyway. [Hi mom. Hi dad. ;-) ]
I have slowly been developing this idea and feeling my friends out about the subject. And it seems to all to be a pretty decent idea. As one friend on tour (who subsequently stole my boyfriend) once said, "I'll try anything twice. Because the first time might have been a fluke." So I will give it the rest of the summer and Fall and see what this whole "dating game" is like. But that brings up another question. If you are dating a bunch of people, at what point is it no longer appropriate to do so in any single relationship? My friend Greg says that you can date other people until one or the other in a relationship says, "I want us not to date other people" and an agreement as such is made. Ahh, the talk. That seems fair. I am sure that men and women feel differently about this as well. One of my girlfriends completely understood what I was going through when I explained my weirdness about dating other people because of the "gentleman caller". So I am putting this question to the group. When is it no longer appropriate to date other people in a relationship?
Posted by mermu at August 18, 2002 02:27 PM
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