Innermost Thought

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March 23, 2005

Schiavo's Dilemma

While I vigourously support Terri Schiavo's husband's right to make this very sad and difficult choice, I also sympathize with her parents. It's hard to let go of someone you love, when you see them living and moving. It's easy to turn a grunt into a "Hello, how was your day?" when it's your daughter/mother/father/son lying in that bed. Not that Terri's husband has it easy; and of course he loves her as well. It's painful and hard for everyone in that family these days.

I really feel for Terri's parents, even though I think they are prolonging everyone's misery including Terri's. I actually relate to their dilemma in a way that terrifies me. My parents have both chosen other spouses. They aren't necessarily people I would choose for them. They have my limited respect in so much as the place they occupy in my parent's lives. And sadly, I fear that should either of my parents be in the predicament Terri is in, their respective spouses would not be acting on my parents' behalf but on their own desires or needs or emotional frailties. So I would, in effect assume the role of Terri's parents; helpless to act on behalf of my mother/father without a fierce legal struggle and while watching someone I love slowly struggle with life and death. This is a thought that terrifies me. And I'm not sure that I would react differently from Terri's parents if I were dealing with my parents' spouses.

Over the last few months and at different junctures I have implored my parents to have wills. Before Terri, I had only thought of the difficulty of handling my parents' estates should they pass on without detailed information as to how they would want their affairs handled. Having to deal with their spouses to ensure that I got Grandma's Cedar Chest as my mother would have wanted, or the porcelain candle sticks my Dad let me pick out from my Abuelita's house after she died would be troublesome, difficult, and painful. It's not so much money, or things, or property as it is wanting to honor the wishes of someone I loved in this world. I've seen what happens in loving families when it comes time to divide a person's belongings and it's chilling. Everyone seems starved for every piece as if the estate were a last meal. I can only imaging the horrors of dealing with this matter in a situation where the love is absent. To have to settle their affairs while they are living or to watch someone else acting upon them but not on their behalf as I perceive it would be a slow living death in itself.

I suppose what Terri's Dilemma has awakened in me is a fierce spirit towards protecting the liberty of a person's right to make choices. A person has a right to choose for themselves; a collective right or wrong has no place in such a personal and painful dilemma and I will fight in every instance for freedom and choice. She's also insured that I will redouble my efforts in compelling my parents to not only have a Last Will but also to have a Living Will. Perhaps her dilemma will inspire my parents to act in anticipation of the worst and that would be such a great gift that Terri would bestow.

One thing I know, the government has no place in this. Time will show that the Republicans' gross attempt to politically capitalize on this dilemma will hurt them in the end.

Posted by mermu at March 23, 2005 01:55 PM

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